Getting along with your teachers
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(http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/school/teacher_relationships.html) |
Your algebra
teacher wears clothes from 1985 and always mispronounces your name. Your
English teacher loves to start classes with pop quizzes. It can be hard to
think of these givers of grades as real people. But they eat pizza, watch
movies, and enjoy sports on the weekends, just like you. So how can you get
along with your teachers?
Why Work on
Good Relationships With Teachers? Teachers are
often plugged into the community and may be the first to find out about local
competitions, activities, or contests. They also may know about grants and
scholarships. Sonia's Spanish teacher found out about a contest for exchange
program scholarships in Brazil and Spain. Her teacher encouraged and guided
her, and Sonia's months and months of work earned her a scholarship as an
exchange student.
Teachers are
often asked to appoint students to student offices, or they may recommend
students as volunteers for special community programs. All of these activities
can help you get into college or get a good job.
Teachers who
care are another group of adults in your life who can look out for you, guide
you, and provide you with an adult perspective. Many are willing to answer
questions, offer advice, and help with personal problems.
How to
Develop Good Teacher-Student Relationships You can do lots
of things to get a good connection going with your teacher. First, do the
obvious stuff: show up for class on time, with all assignments completed. Be
alert, be respectful, and ask questions.
Show an interest
in the subject. Obviously, your teachers are really interested in their
subjects or they wouldn't have decided to teach them! Showing the teacher that
you care - even if you're not a math whiz or fluent in French - sends the
message that you are a dedicated student.
You can also
schedule a private conference during a teacher's free period. Use this time to
get extra help, ask questions, inquire about a career in the subject, or talk
about your progress in class. You may be surprised to learn that your teacher
is a bit more relaxed one-on-one than when lecturing in front of the whole
class.
It is possible
to try too hard, though. Here are some things to avoid when trying to establish
a relationship with your teacher:
Not
being sincere.
Teacher’s sense when your only motivation is to get special treatment, a
college reference, or a job recommendation.
Trying
to be teacher's pet.
Your behavior will come off as phony and your classmates may start to resent
you.
Giving
extravagant gifts.
It's OK to offer a small token of appreciation to teachers if they've been
helpful to you. But flashy, expensive items could send the wrong message, and a
teacher is usually not allowed to accept anything expensive.
Common
Teacher-Student Problems If you don't
like the subject being taught, it can affect your relationship with the
teacher. Some students say it helps them to think of classes that seem like
chores as stepping stones toward a bigger goal, like getting a diploma or going
on to college. That allows them to keep the class in perspective. Other
students say they try to find the practical value in classes they don't like.
You may hate math, but learning how to calculate averages and percentages can
help you in everything from sports to leaving a tip.
If you find a
subject hard, talk to your teacher or a parent about extra tutoring. If you
find it boring, talk to your teacher (or another favorite teacher, friend, or
parent) about ways to see the subject in a different light. Ian constantly
fell asleep in his sophomore history class because the past seemed so removed
from reality. But things changed when he mentioned his struggle over a project
to his homeroom teacher. The teacher talked to Ian and found out that his
great-grandfather had fought in World War II. He suggested Ian use his
great-grandfather's letters in his project. Not only did Ian get an A, he also
learned a lot about a family member he barely remembered from childhood.
What if you just
don't like the teacher? When it comes to working with teachers, personality can
come into play just as it can in any relationship. People naturally just get
along better with some people than with others - it's impossible to like
everyone all the time. Learning to work with people you don't connect with
easily is a good skill to have in life, no matter what your goals are.
If you feel at
odds with your teacher, pick your battles carefully. Questioning a grade or
asking to retake a test once is fine. But second-guessing a teacher's judgment
on your grades all the time may annoy him or her. Constantly squabbling over a
few points on every assignment can cause friction in your relationship.
Common courtesy
and respect are basic requirements of any relationship. Just as teachers
need to be fair and treat everyone equally, students have responsibilities too.
You don't have to like your teacher or agree with what he or she says, but it
is necessary to be polite. If you need to be out of school for medical or other
reasons, let your teacher know. And it's your responsibility to make up the
work from missed classes. Don't expect your teacher to hunt you down or take
class time to fill you in.
Too much
disciplinary action can show up on a student's permanent record. This means
that when someone asks for your high school record, they can see the things you
did - even if they happened years ago.
Just like
personal problems can sometimes slow you down, the same is true for your
teachers. Job stress, family issues, or health problems are all factors that
can affect a teacher's performance, leaving him or her cranky, irritable, or
unable to concentrate.
What to Do
if You Don't Get Along Meet with the
teacher and try to communicate what you're feeling. Tell him or her what's on
your mind, using statements such as, "It embarrasses me in class when I feel
like my intelligence is being put down" or "I can't learn in class when I feel
like only a few people ever get called on to participate." See if you can work
it out between the two of you.
Ask yourself,
"What can I learn from this teacher?" Even if you don't worship his or her
personality or lectures, dig deep until you find a subject in which he or she
is very knowledgeable. Focus on that part of the teacher's personality, and use
him or her as a tool for learning. Not only will you gain more knowledge in
that subject, but a closer relationship with your teacher may help you
understand one another better.
Talk to students
who are doing well in the class and ask them for tips, tools, and a plan of
action to get along with the teacher better. Sometimes having a second set of
notes can be helpful, so asking a classmate who is willing to share them with
you is a great idea. If you're too shy to talk to another student, study his or
her actions and behavior in the classroom and try to follow that lead.
If you still
can't get along, make an appointment with the school guidance counselor. He or
she will offer many tips and suggestions for getting more out of difficult
teacher relationships. Sometimes a guidance counselor can act as a mediator
between you and the teacher.
If your
relationship problems can't be solved in school, then it's time to tell your
parents or guardians. Let them meet with your teacher and try to work it out.
Chances are that
you won't encounter physical or verbal abuse (like racist or sexist comments)
in the classroom. But if a teacher has done or said anything that makes you
uncomfortable, immediately report his or her actions to your parents, your
guidance counselor, another teacher, the school principal, or an administrator.
Teachers are
there for more than just homework, and they know about more than just their
subject matter. They can help you learn how to function as an adult and a
lifelong learner. Undoubtedly, there will be a few teachers along the way who
you will always remember - and who might change your life forever.
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